Dead Fictional Girlfriends Report: Bonanza!
For 6 years now, I've been investigating the question, "Which fictional character has the most dead girlfriends?" I'd like to thank everyone who has already read my reports on James Bond and Captain Kirk and/or provided suggestions for additional subjects in this study.
I cannot go any farther, however, until I report on a true American classic: the first TV show ever to stay in the Nielsen Top 5 for 9 seasons straight; the namesake of the Cartwright Curse; the triple-Emmy-winning series which popularized color TV, Bonanza.
The Series
Bonanza was a Western TV series that aired on NBC, in "glorious technicolor." It centered on a family in which the women are all dead.
I'm not joking: the premise of this series is that Ben Cartwright (Lorne Greene) has been married 3 times (to Elizabeth, Inger, and Marie), and each of his wives died, leaving him with 1 son apiece (Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe, respectively). With all 3 tragic backstories behind him, Ben proceeds to have weekly adventures with his three grown-up sons.
The Cartwright men live on a ranch called the Ponderosa, located just outside Virginia City, Nevada, in the 1860s. On various escapades they are joined by their Chinese cook, Hop Sing; Joe's half-brother from Marie's first marriage, Clay; Ben's nephew, Will; their ranch foreman/close friend, Candy; their other ranch foreman, Dusty Rhodes; Ben's [adopted] fourth son, Jamie; and someone named "Griff."
This motley crew encounters all the usual Western stock characters: cowboys, Indians, miners,prostitutes *ahem* "dance hall girls," and various historical figures who never actually went to Virginia City.
Bonanza ran for 14 regular seasons (1959-1973), later spawning 3 sequel movies (1988-1995) plus a prequel series (2002). Somehow, the series steamrolled straight past the point where Pernell Roberts left the show, past the point where Michael Landon got too grey-haired to be called "Little" with a straight face . . .
. . . past the point where Dan Blocker died . . .
. . . and past the point where sanity should have prevailed.
To put this in perspective: Bonanza outlasted the Eisenhower, Kennedy, and Johnson administrations, finally being canceled during Nixon's reelection campaign. It premiered 3 weeks after Hawaii became a state, and ended 7 months before the US pulled out of Vietnam. People started watching Bonanza before humans had orbited the earth, and they were still watching Bonanza when Apollo 17 made the last trip to the moon. Babies conceived in the year Bonanza started were hitting puberty the year Bonanza ended. Bonanza was not the only old TV show to film episodes at Spahn Ranch before the Manson Family moved in, but it was the only one of the bunch to still be airing new episodes when Charles Manson's death sentence got commuted.
And in that length of time, no love interest ever had a recurring role.
Length
The original run of Bonanza carried on for 436 episodes. In those days, a standard TV hour had about 50 minutes of story to 10 minutes of commercials. Therefore, Bonanza had a little more than 363 hours of screen time.
In other words, Bonanza racked up more screen time in 14 years than either James Bond or Star Trek has accumulated after 5 decades. It is our leading competitor in terms of length.
The Character
All the Ponderosa residents have women come and go from their lives, but Little Joe is truly the most infamous wooer of doomed women. Joe Cartwright is a wealthy, hotheaded rancher's son who loves women, gets in lots of fights, and has a soft spot in his heart for all children. In his action scenes (of which there are many), he is played by Bob Miles. Whenever the character needs to speak or face the camera, however, he is played by Michael Landon.
Michael Landon (né Eugene Orowitz) was an actor who lived for 54 years, and spent 30 of them appearing on network television. He wrote, directed, and/or produced large portions of his own filmography, which meant he could play to his own strengths. Evidence suggests that he thought those strengths included "crying on cue."
The Women
Interestingly, Bonanza went to some trouble to show that Joe knows how to treat a lady right, at least according to the standards of the 1860s and/or 1960s. For instance, Joe loses fights defending the honor of prostitutes.
If you're thinking, "So what, should we give him a cookie?" I'd like to point out that none of those things are true for either Captain Kirk or James Bond.
On the other hand, no woman in the Bonanza universe gets much characterization outside of her relationships with men. More than once, Joe demands that a woman's brother, "let your sister make her own decisions," when he actually means, "let your sister agree with me, her boyfriend." Daughters are born so that hardened men can learn valuable lessons about how family is everything. Wives hang around until some peril befalls them and a fight can break out. Fiancees entrap fiances into committing crimes. Freed female slaves are endlessly pursued by their former owners. Rape victims provide motivation for their male relatives to start blood feuds.
And if a single woman appears on the show more than once, she becomes a punchline. For instance, this is Meena Calhoun (Ann Prentiss) of Bonanza seasons 11 and 13.
She's so desperate for a husband that she once tried to kidnap both Little Joe and Candy. In her final appearance, a man is forced to flirt with her because he owes her father $4.50 in gambling debt. Her reaction is to say, "In a way you've been quite flattering. The last fella Papa told to ask me out only owed him $1.06." Ba-dum-tss.
In short, if you think some modern shows struggle to give female characters such niceties as "inner lives" or "personal agency," Bonanza is an excellent way to remind yourself that TV has come a long way.
The Study
Bonanza has proven far more difficult to research than any of our other competitors. Although most seasons have been released on DVD, many are not widely available in the US. To compile this study, I had to do some unusual things, such as:
I cannot go any farther, however, until I report on a true American classic: the first TV show ever to stay in the Nielsen Top 5 for 9 seasons straight; the namesake of the Cartwright Curse; the triple-Emmy-winning series which popularized color TV, Bonanza.
For best results: press play now.
The Series
Bonanza was a Western TV series that aired on NBC, in "glorious technicolor." It centered on a family in which the women are all dead.
I'm not joking: the premise of this series is that Ben Cartwright (Lorne Greene) has been married 3 times (to Elizabeth, Inger, and Marie), and each of his wives died, leaving him with 1 son apiece (Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe, respectively). With all 3 tragic backstories behind him, Ben proceeds to have weekly adventures with his three grown-up sons.
 |
| From left to right: Adam (Pernell Roberts), Little Joe (Michael Landon), Hoss (Dan Blocker), and Ben. |
The Cartwright men live on a ranch called the Ponderosa, located just outside Virginia City, Nevada, in the 1860s. On various escapades they are joined by their Chinese cook, Hop Sing; Joe's half-brother from Marie's first marriage, Clay; Ben's nephew, Will; their ranch foreman/close friend, Candy; their other ranch foreman, Dusty Rhodes; Ben's [adopted] fourth son, Jamie; and someone named "Griff."
This motley crew encounters all the usual Western stock characters: cowboys, Indians, miners,
Bonanza ran for 14 regular seasons (1959-1973), later spawning 3 sequel movies (1988-1995) plus a prequel series (2002). Somehow, the series steamrolled straight past the point where Pernell Roberts left the show, past the point where Michael Landon got too grey-haired to be called "Little" with a straight face . . .
 |
| Pictured: Season 13 Episode 19. Not pictured: a young man. |
. . . and past the point where sanity should have prevailed.
To put this in perspective: Bonanza outlasted the Eisenhower, Kennedy, and Johnson administrations, finally being canceled during Nixon's reelection campaign. It premiered 3 weeks after Hawaii became a state, and ended 7 months before the US pulled out of Vietnam. People started watching Bonanza before humans had orbited the earth, and they were still watching Bonanza when Apollo 17 made the last trip to the moon. Babies conceived in the year Bonanza started were hitting puberty the year Bonanza ended. Bonanza was not the only old TV show to film episodes at Spahn Ranch before the Manson Family moved in, but it was the only one of the bunch to still be airing new episodes when Charles Manson's death sentence got commuted.
And in that length of time, no love interest ever had a recurring role.
Length
The original run of Bonanza carried on for 436 episodes. In those days, a standard TV hour had about 50 minutes of story to 10 minutes of commercials. Therefore, Bonanza had a little more than 363 hours of screen time.
The Character
All the Ponderosa residents have women come and go from their lives, but Little Joe is truly the most infamous wooer of doomed women. Joe Cartwright is a wealthy, hotheaded rancher's son who loves women, gets in lots of fights, and has a soft spot in his heart for all children. In his action scenes (of which there are many), he is played by Bob Miles. Whenever the character needs to speak or face the camera, however, he is played by Michael Landon.
 |
| Miles (left) and Landon (right) in costume, date unknown. Source. |
The Women
Interestingly, Bonanza went to some trouble to show that Joe knows how to treat a lady right, at least according to the standards of the 1860s and/or 1960s. For instance, Joe loses fights defending the honor of prostitutes.
 |
| Season 1, "The Julia Bulette Story." Source. |
He teaches poor female servants to read.
 |
| Season 7, "The Debt." Source. |
When he is accused of sexual assault, it turns out to be a misunderstanding.
 |
| Season 8, "Something Hurt, Something Wild." Source. |
He doesn't hit women, either.
If you're thinking, "So what, should we give him a cookie?" I'd like to point out that none of those things are true for either Captain Kirk or James Bond.
Version with audio description is here.
On the other hand, no woman in the Bonanza universe gets much characterization outside of her relationships with men. More than once, Joe demands that a woman's brother, "let your sister make her own decisions," when he actually means, "let your sister agree with me, her boyfriend." Daughters are born so that hardened men can learn valuable lessons about how family is everything. Wives hang around until some peril befalls them and a fight can break out. Fiancees entrap fiances into committing crimes. Freed female slaves are endlessly pursued by their former owners. Rape victims provide motivation for their male relatives to start blood feuds.
And if a single woman appears on the show more than once, she becomes a punchline. For instance, this is Meena Calhoun (Ann Prentiss) of Bonanza seasons 11 and 13.
In short, if you think some modern shows struggle to give female characters such niceties as "inner lives" or "personal agency," Bonanza is an excellent way to remind yourself that TV has come a long way.
The Study
Bonanza has proven far more difficult to research than any of our other competitors. Although most seasons have been released on DVD, many are not widely available in the US. To compile this study, I had to do some unusual things, such as:
- Perusing available fan-made episode guides. While incomplete, these did help me narrow down a) which episodes focused on Joe's character, b) which of those had women appear in them, and sometimes even c) whether those women lived until the end credits. This gave me a rough list of cases, an idea of how many episodes I'd have to watch for a representative sampling, and some serious questions about my own taste in hobbies.
- Watching "Dark Star" on Amazon Prime. That wasn't so strange, except a sequence of events culminated in my watching it in the hallway of my apartment building while waiting for the smoke to clear out of my kitchen.
- Requesting all available Bonanza DVDs from the New York Public Library. Oddly, although the library has 3.5 seasons, it's not the first 3.5 seasons. It's seasons 1, 2, and the second half of 3. This adventure taught me that both Sylvie Ann ("The Tin Badge") and Melinda Banning ("The Lady from Baltimore") survive, but only one of them passes the Sexy Lamp Test.
- Getting a research librarian at my graduate school to write me a note for access to Columbia University's copy of Season 7. It's a testament to the tenacity of the American librarian that she did so even after I explained why I wanted such a note. I watched "Shining in Spain" while thinking "it's a really great country, America. We truly believe in free sharing of information. And I'm probably abusing this system."
- Watching bootlegged versions on YouTube. This approach was suggested by another librarian at my graduate school, who said, "We always do suggest that you see the official version of anything that you'll need to cite. But, if this is for personal research, you might be all right with YouTube." Indeed, it is on YouTube that I completed this entirely-personal study.
6 years later, I finally have enough data to report.
Girlfriend Mortality Rate
Joe Cartwright had 45 onscreen romances. This is particularly impressive when you consider that the total female population of Virginia City in 1860 was 139. [1] Although the population surged in the 15 years after the Comstock Lode was discovered, Joe has definitely dated most of the eligible women in the county. No wonder he gets beaten up so often!
Of those 45 women, 10 died in the course of their romance. This places Joe Cartwright in second place for total dead girlfriends, with James Bond in first and Captain James Kirk in third.
Joe is also in second place for total number of love interests overall, and total number who survive.
He is, however, in third place by percentage. Just 22.22% of his love interests go to the great Soundstage in the sky.
That low percentage is misleading, however, because James Bond and James Kirk both travel widely while Joe Cartwright never strays very far from Virginia City, NV. Considering that there were only 139 women in the county, and 710 women in the whole territory as of 1860, getting 10 of them killed is quite an exercise.
Moreover, nearly all the deaths are violent:
This puts Mr. Cartwright almost on par with James Bond for the types of death occurring in his orbit.
Pregnant Woman Mortality Rate
Joe Cartwright has fewer confirmed sexual relationships than our other competitors, being somewhat limited by what one could get away with on network television. Despite heavy use of strategic commercial breaks, only 1 partner canonically becomes pregnant: Mrs. Alice Cartwright neé Harper (Bonnie Bedelia) of Season 14's "Forever, Parts 1 and 2." Alice and Joe have a very 1870s courtship involving buggy rides and barn dances.
Then they conceive a baby during very 1970s love scenes.
In the very next episode, Alice gets murdered by enemies of her brother, sending Joe into a tailspin of grief. Bonnie Bedelia later became famous as another woman struggling to survive in a man's world, Holly McClane in Die Hard.
Anyway, since Alice is the only pregnant Mrs. Cartwright to appear in the regular series, she has a 100% mortality rate.
We mustn't worry, though! In the first Bonanza sequel movie, it's established that Joe (whois busy on Highway to Heaven has died between installments) has a widow, Annabelle Cartwright, and 2 adult children. Although that relationship happened entirely off-screen, Annabelle's outliving Joe brings the pregnant mortality rate down to a far-more-reasonable 50%.
Uh...maybe we should worry a little bit.
Nefarious Intentions Rate
Women with nefarious intentions were a favorite plot device of the Bonanza screenwriters, even to the point of inserting fictional nefarious women into nonfictional events. For instance, when all the sets had to be redesigned because production was moving, the writers decided to dramatize the Great Fire of 1875. In real life, this fire started by accident. On Bonanza, it's set by a young woman who became a pyromaniac after her abusive father died in a fire, and has been setting fires to cope with the stress of her engagement. She then gets herself trapped in one of the fires and dies a meaningless death.
What with the high rate of greedy and/or murderous women running around on this show, it's not surprising that some of them date Joe Cartwright. Interestingly, no woman ever makes a serious attempt on his life. This says less about the virtue of Virginia City than it does about the screenwriters' discomfort with having a hyper-masculine hero be physically vulnerable to a female.
All told, 31.11% of the women Joe encountered were trying to get their hands on his money, lure him into an ambush, frame him for a crime, or secure his support for the Confederacy.
In fact, Joe is tied with Captain Kirk for nefarious girlfriends, each one having 14. But since Kirk has a lower total number of girlfriends, he has a higher percentage of nefarious ones than Joe does.
The Implications
Over the course of its 14-year run, Bonanza repeatedly went out of its way to champion the marginalized. Various episodes included sympathetic portrayals of little people, Chinese-Americans, American Indians, abuse survivors, handicapped individuals, alcoholics, arsonists, and even sex workers. But it still treated women as disposable plot devices.
In all fairness, that was a reflection of the circumstances in which it was made. In 1959, women could not have bank accounts without permission from a male relative. Employment ads were gender-segregated. Equal pay or equality in hiring was out of the question. Thus when Bonanza set out to portray events from a century earlier, there were no women in the writers' room, no women behind the director's chair, and precious few women with any clout working in the studio. Men were writing, producing, and directing a show about men, in a man's world. Why bother devoting attention to women's issues?
On the other side of the screen, though, there were lots of women. Bonanza was famous for its appeal to female audiences, especially children. Millions of little girls, including my mother, watched it with their fathers and brothers on Sunday nights. That's problematic because little boys (particularly little white boys) got to see themselves represented as superior heroes in every storyline. But little girls only ever saw themselves represented as Femmes Fatale or Damsels in Distress or Victims of the Week. Many girls found it entertaining - and plenty of them were madly in love with Michael Landon - but it was never very empowering.
In short, Bonanza was a firm reinforcement of traditional gender roles, beaming directly into living rooms one hour every week, for a decade and a half. We're talking about millions of living rooms, too: for years this was the highest-rated show on TV. It consistently outperformed the original Star Trek, among others. It was even popular abroad; Michael Landon and Bob Miles toured Sweden and played to packed houses. It was a cultural juggernaut. When I watch Bonanza today, it reminds me of how powerful a popular TV show can be - and why it's important for shows to care about representing their audience.
Conclusions
Joe Cartwright ranks #2 in total female deaths and #3 in percentage of dead love interests. Compared to our other competitors, Joe Cartwright also has two distinctions.
Audio description here.
In addition, I'd like to give Bonanza an Honorable Mention for "Worst Situation in Which A Dead Woman Didn't Date the Protagonist."
Worst Situation in Which A Dead Woman Didn't Date the Protagonist:
In "The Secret," which aired in 1961, Mary Parson turns up dead after a witness reports seeing her in a buggy with Joe. Mary's family is under the impression she's been dating Joe for several months. When the doctor announces Mary was pregnant at the time of her death, Joe's arrested for murder. There's one problem, though: Joe has never been alone with Mary in his life, and definitely wasn't in a relationship with her.
As it turns out, the real murderer is Joe's defense attorney's daughter's fiancé (everyone got that?) The killer, Jerome Bell, got bored with his straitlaced fianceé and had an affair with Mary, but went to the trouble of convincing her to convince everyone that she'd been dating Joe. Jerome even bought a left-handed holster, a horse that looked like Joe's, and clothes identical to Joe's usual costume, in case any witnesses saw him with Mary. The audience never sees Mary alive, so she's unable to defend the thought process that got her to go along with such a stupid plan.
Fortunately, Jerome gets his when the wronged fianceé, Betty Mae, learns the truth and shoves him off a second-floor balcony.
This concludes part 3 of our Dead Fictional Girlfriends Research Report. I'm off to catch up on Supernatural!
Girlfriend Mortality Rate
Joe Cartwright had 45 onscreen romances. This is particularly impressive when you consider that the total female population of Virginia City in 1860 was 139. [1] Although the population surged in the 15 years after the Comstock Lode was discovered, Joe has definitely dated most of the eligible women in the county. No wonder he gets beaten up so often!
And shot so frequently that there's a 10-minute compilation video.
Of those 45 women, 10 died in the course of their romance. This places Joe Cartwright in second place for total dead girlfriends, with James Bond in first and Captain James Kirk in third.
Joe is also in second place for total number of love interests overall, and total number who survive.
He is, however, in third place by percentage. Just 22.22% of his love interests go to the great Soundstage in the sky.
That low percentage is misleading, however, because James Bond and James Kirk both travel widely while Joe Cartwright never strays very far from Virginia City, NV. Considering that there were only 139 women in the county, and 710 women in the whole territory as of 1860, getting 10 of them killed is quite an exercise.
Moreover, nearly all the deaths are violent:
This puts Mr. Cartwright almost on par with James Bond for the types of death occurring in his orbit.
Pregnant Woman Mortality Rate
Joe Cartwright has fewer confirmed sexual relationships than our other competitors, being somewhat limited by what one could get away with on network television. Despite heavy use of strategic commercial breaks, only 1 partner canonically becomes pregnant: Mrs. Alice Cartwright neé Harper (Bonnie Bedelia) of Season 14's "Forever, Parts 1 and 2." Alice and Joe have a very 1870s courtship involving buggy rides and barn dances.
Audio description here.
 |
| No, I'm not editing a compilation video of those. Have a wedding freezeframe instead. |
I couldn't audio describe such a short video. Suffice to say that Holly McClane punches a reporter's face.
Why yes, Bruce Willis is younger than Michael Landon's oldest son. Why do you ask?
Anyway, since Alice is the only pregnant Mrs. Cartwright to appear in the regular series, she has a 100% mortality rate.
We mustn't worry, though! In the first Bonanza sequel movie, it's established that Joe (who
Uh...maybe we should worry a little bit.
Nefarious Intentions Rate
Women with nefarious intentions were a favorite plot device of the Bonanza screenwriters, even to the point of inserting fictional nefarious women into nonfictional events. For instance, when all the sets had to be redesigned because production was moving, the writers decided to dramatize the Great Fire of 1875. In real life, this fire started by accident. On Bonanza, it's set by a young woman who became a pyromaniac after her abusive father died in a fire, and has been setting fires to cope with the stress of her engagement. She then gets herself trapped in one of the fires and dies a meaningless death.
 |
| Time to play "Weak Female Character Bingo! |
All told, 31.11% of the women Joe encountered were trying to get their hands on his money, lure him into an ambush, frame him for a crime, or secure his support for the Confederacy.
 |
| It's stuff like this that gives him trust issues. |
The Implications
Over the course of its 14-year run, Bonanza repeatedly went out of its way to champion the marginalized. Various episodes included sympathetic portrayals of little people, Chinese-Americans, American Indians, abuse survivors, handicapped individuals, alcoholics, arsonists, and even sex workers. But it still treated women as disposable plot devices.
In all fairness, that was a reflection of the circumstances in which it was made. In 1959, women could not have bank accounts without permission from a male relative. Employment ads were gender-segregated. Equal pay or equality in hiring was out of the question. Thus when Bonanza set out to portray events from a century earlier, there were no women in the writers' room, no women behind the director's chair, and precious few women with any clout working in the studio. Men were writing, producing, and directing a show about men, in a man's world. Why bother devoting attention to women's issues?
On the other side of the screen, though, there were lots of women. Bonanza was famous for its appeal to female audiences, especially children. Millions of little girls, including my mother, watched it with their fathers and brothers on Sunday nights. That's problematic because little boys (particularly little white boys) got to see themselves represented as superior heroes in every storyline. But little girls only ever saw themselves represented as Femmes Fatale or Damsels in Distress or Victims of the Week. Many girls found it entertaining - and plenty of them were madly in love with Michael Landon - but it was never very empowering.
In short, Bonanza was a firm reinforcement of traditional gender roles, beaming directly into living rooms one hour every week, for a decade and a half. We're talking about millions of living rooms, too: for years this was the highest-rated show on TV. It consistently outperformed the original Star Trek, among others. It was even popular abroad; Michael Landon and Bob Miles toured Sweden and played to packed houses. It was a cultural juggernaut. When I watch Bonanza today, it reminds me of how powerful a popular TV show can be - and why it's important for shows to care about representing their audience.
Conclusions
Joe Cartwright ranks #2 in total female deaths and #3 in percentage of dead love interests. Compared to our other competitors, Joe Cartwright also has two distinctions.
- His story is actually over. With Bond film #25 in the works, Star Trek's sixth spinoff preparing for another season, and Supernatural in season 14, Bonanza is the only franchise on our list that's officially complete. (Interestingly, after its swan song in January 1973, Michael Landon immediately threw himself into a much more female-centric NBC Western, Little House on the Prairie.) This section of the Dead Fictional Girlfriends Research Report is, therefore, the only one not subject to updates.
- He's the only contestant who doesn't kill any romantic partners. How's this for a measure of Hollywood's treatment of intimate partner violence: the protagonists of James Bond, Star Trek, and Supernatural have each murdered at least 1 woman with whom they had a romantic encounter. Joe Cartwright, however, has not.
Yes, all right, NOW he gets a cookie.
In addition, I'd like to give Bonanza an Honorable Mention for "Worst Situation in Which A Dead Woman Didn't Date the Protagonist."
Worst Situation in Which A Dead Woman Didn't Date the Protagonist:
In "The Secret," which aired in 1961, Mary Parson turns up dead after a witness reports seeing her in a buggy with Joe. Mary's family is under the impression she's been dating Joe for several months. When the doctor announces Mary was pregnant at the time of her death, Joe's arrested for murder. There's one problem, though: Joe has never been alone with Mary in his life, and definitely wasn't in a relationship with her.
As it turns out, the real murderer is Joe's defense attorney's daughter's fiancé (everyone got that?) The killer, Jerome Bell, got bored with his straitlaced fianceé and had an affair with Mary, but went to the trouble of convincing her to convince everyone that she'd been dating Joe. Jerome even bought a left-handed holster, a horse that looked like Joe's, and clothes identical to Joe's usual costume, in case any witnesses saw him with Mary. The audience never sees Mary alive, so she's unable to defend the thought process that got her to go along with such a stupid plan.
Fortunately, Jerome gets his when the wronged fianceé, Betty Mae, learns the truth and shoves him off a second-floor balcony.
Audio description here.
Betty Mae therefore becomes one of very few women who, after being used by the men on Bonanza, pauses to even the score. You go, girl!
This concludes part 3 of our Dead Fictional Girlfriends Research Report. I'm off to catch up on Supernatural!
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ReplyDeleteThis was impressive!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment! If you like this, you can read more at our new website: https://deadfictionalgirlfriendsreport.com/.
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